The Pop-Tart Incident
by EllaoftheOpera
Summary: Thor and Lia both have an undying love for pop-tarts. But when it's discovered that there is only one left in the compound, how will they decide who gets it? Tons of fun. I really enjoyed writing this one :). No swearing or sexual content.


**A/N: For my slightly insane little sister, who also happens to be my biggest fan. Your crazy oneshot ideas give me life. This one's for you. Happy Birthday, sis.**

"Hey, Thor," Lia greeted as she walked into the kitchen one afternoon.

"Greetings, Lady Lia," he answered jovially. "I was going to indulge in some of these toaster pastries." He held up a box of pop-tarts. "Care to join me?"

"That's what I came in for, actually," she replied.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed, turning the box upside down and dumping it onto the counter.

Both he and Lia watched in horror as a single pop-tart in a plastic bag fell out.

There was silence for several seconds.

Clint and Natasha sat at the kitchen table, watching the pair.

"Has this ever happened before?" Clint asked.

"Nope," Nat answered, popping the p.

"Is this gonna end badly?"

"Probably."

"Should I make popcorn?"

"Definitely."

After about a minute, Lia and Thor looked up at each other.

"Maybe there's another box in the pantry?" she suggested feebly.

Thor shook his head. "I saw none."

"Then how do we settle this?"

"Hey guys," Clint spoke up from behind them, watching a bag of popcorn inflate in the microwave, "maybe you should duel for it." He had an evil looking grin on his face that only Natasha could see.

A mischievous grin made its way onto Lia's face as well. "Clint, where are the nerf guns?"

Clint was smiling deviously. "Natasha, watch the popcorn." He ran off to locate the plastic weaponry.

Lia stared at Thor. "You're going to lose."

Thor laughed derisively. "Ha! I shall not lose to a mere mortal such as yourself."

"Well, this 'mere mortal' has a few tricks up her sleeve, old man."

Thor's mouth dropped open.

Clint returned with the guns in record time. "I scattered ammunition all over the place on my way back. Tasha, read them the rules," he said, much too excited about this whole idea.

"No head shots, no property damage, and no shooting innocent bystanders. Except for Clint. You can shoot him if you want."

Clint looked up. "Wait, what?"

"Don't look at me. This was your idea."

Lia and Thor had already grabbed their guns and were running in opposite directions.

Nat pulled the popcorn bag from the microwave. "You best take a seat, Barton. Knowing those two, we're going to be here for a while."

ooOOoo

Lia had been in enough nerf wars with the other Avengers to know that she needed a decent strategy or she'd have no chance of winning. The first thing she needed was a home base, someplace she could retreat to where Thor wouldn't be able to get her. She chose her room; F.R.I.D.A.Y. would automatically lock the door behind her, and Thor knew better than to go in there without permission.

She detoured there first, looking around for something to use to hold her ammo. If only the clothing industry made women's pants with _actual pockets._

She grabbed one of her jackets, the one with the zip-up front pockets, and tied it around her waist. She would easily be able to get to the pockets like that, and they were fairly large. They could hold plenty of ammo. She grabbed a pair of sunglasses and put them on as well. At the right angle, she'd be able to see Thor if he tried to sneak up behind her.

She cracked open her bedroom door and peeked out. Thor was nowhere to be seen, thank goodness. Now, where would Clint most likely hide ammo? She started to creep around, the hallway, picking up darts from corners and inside the potted plants. She heard a rustling noise and froze.

 _Crap._

She began scanning the hallway for a place to hide. Where was Clint when you needed him? He almost always won these things, unless he was against Natasha.

 _Think Lia, think. Where would Clint hide?_

 _The vents._

She got down on her hands and knees and pulled a vent grate off the wall near her feet before crawling in and shutting it behind her. Less than a minute later, Thor passed through the hallway.

As soon as he was a safe distance away, Lia breathed a sigh of relief. She could see why Clint liked to hide in here. These were pretty big. Lia could sit up comfortably inside. Of course, she was much smaller than Clint. She wondered where the vent led to. Maybe she could find a better vantage point.

She began to cautiously make her way along the vent shaft, abandoning her sunglasses near the grate. It was much too dark for them in here. These vents were abnormally clean. Weren't ventilation shafts supposed to be full of dust and spiders and stuff like that? She was surprised to find small, handwritten notes next to each shaft she passed. They said things like _Training Room, Kitchen, and Tony's Lab (avoid at all costs)_. She covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. Of course Clint would label the different shafts.

She came to one labeled _Detention Cells_ and stopped. Lia, truthfully, had absolutely no idea how to beat Thor. She wasn't nearly as good at this game as some of the others. But she knew of one person who could help her beat him, and he was currently biding his time down there. He got let out for good behavior all the time; it wouldn't hurt anyone if she let him out for just a few minutes, would it? Besides, he seemed to tolerate her, at the very least. Decision made, she started crawling her way downstairs.

ooOOoo

"You want my help with what?" Loki asked, peering at her through the glass of his holding cell with an intrigued look.

"We're having a nerf war," she said, holding up her gun. "I want you to help me beat him."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"I've got a plan. But I'm going to need your help."

He frowned. "We're not doing 'Get Help' are we? That one's a tad overplayed."

"No, Thor's already told me all about 'Get Help'. I have a better plan. One that requires somebody with your talents."

The trickster god's eyes were sparkling with mischief. "I'm listening."

ooOOoo

Thor tiptoed through the now-abandoned training room, keeping his eyes peeled for the young mutant. He wasn't having much luck finding Lia; her hiding skills were much better than he had anticipated. The rest of the Avengers currently in the compound had somehow caught wind of what was going on and were all in the living room, placing bets on who was going to win.

 _Excuse me sir, but you have a message,"_ F.R.I.D.A.Y. said rather loudly, startling him.

"Very well, what is it?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

" _It's from Miss Lia. She says to tell you that she's tired of hiding inside and wishes to take the fight outdoors. Do you accept?"_

"Yes, I accept," he replied immediately. There weren't nearly as many hiding places outside. It would be much easier to find her there. Lia was setting herself up to lose! He strode triumphantly out of the training room and passed the living room on his way to the elevator. Bucky, Sam, Natasha, Pietro, Tony, and Clint were all in there.

"Where are you headed, L'oreal?" Tony asked with a frown. "Did you lose? Tell me you didn't lose. I owe Red twenty bucks if you lose."

"Nay, I have not given up as of yet. Lady Lia has sent me a message saying she wishes to continue our play battle out of doors. I am heading out there now." He pressed the down button on the elevator and stepped inside.

As soon as the doors shut, the vent in the living room ceiling swung open silently, right above Tony's head. Lia's head popped out of it. Everyone could see her but Tony. She held a finger to her lips and pointed to his head.

"Hey Tony, what's going on?" she asked in a rather loud nonchalant tone.

Tony shrieked like a five-year-old and looked upward. The rest of the Avengers burst out laughing at his reaction. Lia slid down out of the vent, holding on tightly, and dropped to the floor.

"Haha. Very funny, kid. What were you doing in there anyway? Thor said you wanted to take the fight outside," Tony said in a rather annoyed tone of voice.

"There aren't any good hiding spots on this floor," she responded. "Plus, the vents are actually a much faster alternative to the normally crowded hallways and corridors. Clint has all the vent shafts labeled and everything. I might start using them more often."

Clint stood and put one hand over his heart, using the other one to ruffle Lia's hair. "I have never been more proud of you," he said, getting slightly choked up.

She headed toward the balcony doors, beckoning for the rest of them to follow her outside onto the back terrace.

"What exactly are we doing out here?" Sam asked.

She grinned deviously. "Just watch."

ooOOoo

"Lady Lia?" Thor called out. "This game will not end in your favor! Tis best for you to simply surrender now!"

He wandered around the back lawn for a few minutes, checking in bushes and behind trees. There was still no sign of her. He sighed. Then, he heard a rustling sound coming from one of the bushes he hadn't checked yet.

Silently, he tiptoed closer to the bush and aimed his weapon at it. What had Lia called this? A 'nerf gun'? It was a feeble weapon. It would never hold up in real combat.

Before he could shoot the bush, a long green snake slithered out of it.

Thor grinned. "Greetings, my Midgardian friend! I am Thor, son of Odin. What be your name?"

He picked up the snake to admire it. He'd always loved snakes. The way the light would shine off their luminescent scales when it hit them the right way was almost magical, in his opinion.

Thor took a look at the snake's face and swore it was grinning at him. Wait a second…

He felt a dart hit the back of his shoulder.

"YES!" Lia yelled from the balcony, laughing triumphantly. "I have beaten the son of Odin in mortal combat! Bow before me, peasants!"

Natasha smiled smugly and held out her hand. "Pay up, Muggles."

Sam, Tony, Pietro, and Clint each begrudgingly forked over twenty bucks.

Clint and Pietro got down on their knees and bowed, playing along. "We are but your humble servants," Clint said.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "You guys know she's only like this because you encourage her, right?"

Thor turned back from the balcony and saw that the snake was no longer a snake but was, in fact, Loki.

"Brother?" he asked, confused. "When did you join the battle?"

"Lady Lia came to me and requested my assistance in defeating you, brother," he said with a grin. "She has all the makings of a trickster. I rather like her."

Thor's mouth dropped open. He turned back to the balcony. Lia was grinning, dancing around the balcony. "I'm holding this over your head for the rest of forever, Odinson!" she shouted.

Bucky sighed and turned to go back inside. "If I step on any of those darts I'm throwing them down the garbage disposal!" he said.

"But… when… how…" Thor couldn't form a sentence.

"The pop-tart is mine!" Lia cried, running inside to claim her reward.

Thor sighed heavily and used his hammer to fly up to the balcony and follow her inside. He found her sitting on the counter, munching on her prize.

"He wanted to stab you," she said nonchalantly while pointing at Loki, who had magically appeared in the room with them. "I said no."

"I believe you promised me a reward," he reminded her.

She snapped her fingers. "That's right."

She went over to the freezer and pulled out a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. She handed it to him, along with a spoon from the silverware drawer.

"Thanks for the help," she said. "You definitely earned this."

"The pleasure was mine, Lady Lia," he said, bowing slightly before taking the ice cream from her and disappearing.

"I don't know why none of you guys like him very much," Lia remarked as the rest of the Avengers filed back inside. "He's always nice to me."

"Loki is an acquired taste," Sam told her. "You've seemed to acquire it faster than most."

"It's not like he destroyed half of New York or anything," Tony added sarcastically.

She shrugged, glancing into the pantry. Her eyes widened.

"Thor…" she said slowly, reaching her hand inside. She pulled out an unopened box of pop-tarts.

"What did you say about there not being anymore?"

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Please review, if you have time :).**


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